Difference makes the DIFFERENCE
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a Different things appear to different people in different ways, but another view is that, the same thing appears to different people in different ways and continues… This context is very well explained by Betrand Russell in the book "the PROBLEMS OF PHILOSOPHY"
Let us consider some examples:
I am going to introduce you to one of my friends called ‘A’: who is slightly mad? Before I take you to him, I tell you as a prior word of caution that he is slightly mad, so that you may take precaution either in speech or on action, as long as you are with him.
In this situation, How you would behave with him? Certainly not as freely as you behave with a normal person! What if Mr.A looks not really mad, but a good and wise gentleman, wise in appearance and behaviour: You will constantly surprise yourself asking “Can mad people behave so well and stay dignified..?”.
If I tell Mr.A that I am getting one of my friends who is slightly mad, the same would be his behaviour towards you. In this situation, How would he behave with you? Certainly not as freely as you behave with a normal person!
If I tell Mr.A that, one of my friends, who is going to meet him, is slightly mad, the same do I tell you, that Mr. A is slightly mad, (i.e.., If I tell both of you that the other is slightly mad) you can imagine mutual behavioural exchange and exchange of words and expressions, towards each other guided with utmost care and caution. Why ? because, you are afraid of the other person and so does he..
say: you are a psychiatrist (a doctor who constantly deals with psychologically challenged people), and is well-versed with their behavioural traits at different stages of madness – simply, an expert. In the very first instance or after exchange of few words, he can figure out that he/she (Mr. A/Mrs. A) is not mad.
This is nothing but knowing the other person before you meet him, because the expert is properly educated in that area of concern and was guided under expertise to impart the same.
If I do not give you any pre-view nor do I do the same with Mr. A., then, what would be such a situation... You mutually exchange your interests, and interact to assess the other person, to check if he meets the other persons standards, if every observation you make, meets your expectations, you tend to build relationship.
Like Carnot’s “Ideal Heat Engine” – which doesnot leave any thing as waste – hence there is no waste...
relating the same to:
Arranged Marriages Vs. Love Marriages,
Mostly in arranged marriage, there should not be any prompting need to mask themselves but in a love marriage, they often behave and tend to potray an ideal character, to exhibit that, he/she is the most ideal person in the world, and the other may not find any other suitable person.
They mutually proceed till marriage with the same mask and later when situations lead them to un-cover their original identity, will tear away mutual assumptions.
After they discover themselves without masks, statements like, I thought you were that, but you are not so, if I might have guessed that you are this, I may not have come to this extent, I hate to see you this way, and many other similar statements.
Here I would like to quote
Dr. Ravi Zecharias–
"Shortest path may not always be the best path, as it will by-pass some of the most beautiful and precious lessons of life."
This would be best to avoid FRICTION but…
FRICTION is termed as NECESSARY EVIL...!
We don't like to live without mask, just because, we have all ailments like false-confidence, greed, false-prestige etc… which will not let us have UN-MASKED VISION.
In fact, they might have had many situations, where their consciences might have told them, “what one sees in the other is not original character”, still they proceed with assumptions and imaginations and give all sorts of funny explanations to sustain their former view.
This is why I think, "Who will Answer?" by Ed Ames has become so famous song of the seventies and is still now...
We try to view the world with a mask and through a mask. We donot try to see the world as it is nor do we try to remove our mask and show ourselves to the world as we are and hence, all relations are damaged. especially human relations., only because we can THINK.
Standing in ANOTHER’S SHOE is good to some extent but not always, and we tend to forget that we are not the other one. Here, again, we need some one who knew both PARTIES FROM WITH-IN and WITH-OUT. Which is to say – WE BELIEVE IN SHORT-CUTS. Though this is easy and quick way without any hardwork, it may fail often.
So, preview or having a view of the other person will always suggest/support a good cause, but the view should be RATIONAL as Herbert Simon says in “Rational decission” ofcourse, it is ideal, and ideals are always to set high standards., and therefore we tend to reach them,